


Now or Never

by feentanz



Series: One Shots [31]
Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drunken Confessions, F/M, Seven Minutes In Heaven Game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22377853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feentanz/pseuds/feentanz
Summary: Nikolai seemed to have sensed her restlessness. “Come on, my company is not that dreadful, Nazyalensky. Even you have to admit that.” She could have sworn he leaned in closer with every word because suddenly she was too aware of how close they were standing. The scent of his cologne was clouding the air. Zoya rested her head against the door.  “Are you going to keep talking the entire time?” she snapped in his direction, trying to ignore the growing tension. Why had she joined this stupid game? This time, he definitely slipped closer. “Well, I have some suggestions for other activities we can pass the time with.” She really was going to strangle him. “Keep this up, and only one of us is going to survive these seven minutes.”
Relationships: Nikolai Lantsov/Zoya Nazyalensky
Series: One Shots [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/594364
Kudos: 44





	Now or Never

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Zoya muttered as she was sitting next to Genya on the couch. The place was already crowded, everyone having gathered around the table. 

“What exactly?” Genya asked in response, pursing her lips. “This game was your idea.” 

Zoya snorted. It had been, but she hadn’t planned to join in herself. When she had suggested playing Seven Minutes in Heaven, she had thought about Genya and her hopeless crush on David Kostyk, a guy they knew from university. Zoya had introduced the two of them, or more so Nikolai, who happened to be friends with David. And since Genya was too shy to make a move, this would be the perfect opportunity. 

“I can’t sit here alone!” Genya protested, gripping Zoya’s wrist. “Don’t you dare leave!” 

Zoya rolled her eyes but settled on the couch. If this would make Genya stop whining about David, it was well worth it. 

She was gazing through the room, subconsciously looking for a head of blonde hair, when Nikolai sat down across from her. She narrowed her eyes at him, her look clearly saying  _ Where is David? _ Because if Nikolai had messed up the plan… 

The only response she got was a cocky grin, Nikolai’s hazel eyes lighting up with amusement as his lips formed the words  _ easy, Nazyalensky.  _ Oh, she was going to kill him one day. 

Just then David Kostyk  _ did  _ appear, and Genya’s cheeks immediately flushed. Zoya sighed internally. This really was terrible. She glanced at the other people around them, a few of whom she knew, and some she had never seen before. This had better work out in her favor. 

“What if it doesn’t work?” Genya whispered in her direction, nervously brushing a strand of auburn hair away from her face. 

“Then you spend seven minutes standing around in a closet with a random guy,” Zoya muttered in response. “We just play until you and David get chosen.” Which would hopefully not take the entire night. 

Nikolai eventually cleared his throat, introduced the game and began to spin the bottle which was resting in the middle of the table. Zoya held her breath as it spun, slower and slower.  _ Please land on David.  _

But apparently, it was not her lucky day. Because the bottle stopped and pointed right at Nikolai. Zoya released a frustrated sigh, leaning back against the sofa. This was starting off just great. 

Nikolai cast her an amused grin, reaching out to spin again. The bottle spun once more, this time longer. Zoya rolled her eyes impatiently, tapping her fingers against the side of the sofa. Why had she decided to put Genya’s and David’s hands into a game of fate? Perhaps she should just lock them in a room together herself. 

And then the bottle eventually stopped. Pointing directly at Zoya.   
  
Nikolai’s grin was pure satisfaction. “You got lucky, Nazyalensky,” he commented. 

Zoya was tempted to strangle him right there. “In your dreams.” 

Genya nudged her with her elbow, and perhaps she imagined it but her friend did look oddly satisfied. “No backing out of the game,” Genya teased. 

Zoya cast her an annoyed look but got to her feet all the same. If Nikolai insisted on wasting seven minutes of his life standing around in a dark closet with her, so be it. “I’m not nearly drunk enough for this,” she muttered, shaking her head. 

“I know a lot of people who would be very happy to be locked in a small space with me,” Nikolai said, holding the door to the closet open for her. 

Zoya slipped past him, shaking her head at the comment. “I thought the plan was to get Genya and David to hook up,” she hissed accusingly, once the door fell shut.  _ Seven minutes from now on. _ She only needed to survive Nikolai talking for seven minutes.  _ Easier said than done.  _ She shifted in the small space, keeping her back pressed against the door to avoid standing too close. 

“I don’t have magic powers to control the movements of the bottle,” Nikolai commented, and she could sense him move in the darkness. “It was hard enough getting David here.” 

There was barely enough space, and she could feel the warmth of his skin even now. Zoya could almost feel her mind turn traitor. But she refused to think of such things.  _ How many minutes left? _ “He better makes a move on Genya when they’re locked in here, or I’m personally dragging him from this party.”   
  
Nikolai chuckled, his breath caressing her face. “He’ll probably start rambling about the melting point of iron once he’s alone with her.” 

Zoya blew a strand of hair away from her face.  _ How much longer?  _

Nikolai seemed to have sensed her restlessness. “Come on, my company is not  _ that  _ dreadful, Nazyalensky. Even you have to admit that.” 

She could have sworn he leaned in closer with every word because suddenly she was too aware of how close they were standing. The scent of his cologne was clouding the air. Zoya rested her head against the door.  __ “Are you going to keep talking the entire time?” she snapped in his direction, trying to ignore the growing tension.  _ Why had she joined this stupid game? _

This time, he definitely slipped closer. “Well, I have some suggestions for other activities we can pass the time with.”  
  
She really was going to strangle him. “Keep this up, and only one of us is going to survive these seven minutes.” 

Nikolai laughed in response, resting one arm against the door next to her. He was standing much too close. Zoya automatically pressed her back closer against the door.  _ Don’t even think about it,  _ her inner voice hissed. She was  _ not  _ going to end up as one of Nikolai Lantsov’s conquests. Not in his wildest dreams. 

And yet she couldn’t help but notice the way her breathing hitched as he leaned in closer, close enough that she could make out his face, even in the darkness. “Sure that you don’t want to hear my suggestions?”  
  
“I really wish you would stop talking.” 

Nikolai’s lips spread into a grin. His hand came up to cup the side of her face, fingers running along the lines of her jaw. He allowed a few seconds to pass, perhaps to see whether she would make an objection or not. 

Instead, Zoya bridged the distance between them and kissed him.  _ How many minutes?  _ She opened her lips under his, her fingers already tracing the lines of his neck. As is turned out, she really had no self-control. Nikolai’s skin was warm under her touch and she ran a hand through his golden curls, drawing him even closer. 

He pulled away for a moment, his lips returning to the curve of her neck. “See,” he whispered against her skin. “You  _ did  _ end up liking my company.” 

“Only because you finally shut up.” Zoya hated how breathless her voice sounded. How much this was affecting her. 

Nikolai huffed a laugh, kissing along her throat, her collarbones. Zoya tipped her head back ever so slightly, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of encouraging any of this. Her head was swimming, and she wasn’t even drunk.  _ At least then she could have blamed the alcohol.  _

She was only half aware of his hands moving to her thighs when he suddenly picked her up and pinned her against the wall.  _ How long until their seven minutes were over?  _ Nikolai was kissing her again, and the question drifted to the back of her mind. Zoya wrapped her legs around him to steady herself, digging her nails into the fabric of his shirt as he pushed closer, closing the last bit of space between them. 

_ This was the stupidest thing she had ever done.  _ And yet she didn’t stop him when his fingers went to the back of her dress, daring to open the zip. She didn’t  _ want  _ to stop him. 

A firm knock on the door made the bubble burst. “Your time’s up!” Genya called from the other side, knocking again. 

Nikolai slowly set Zoya down on the ground, and she pulled away so fast that she bumped back into the door. She fled the closet without another look at him, without considering that she might also  _ look  _ as much a mess as she felt. 

Genya, standing in the hallway, raised a brow at Zoya as she pushed past her. “Everything okay?” 

Zoya didn’t have the strength to reply. She hurried to the other end of the room, ignoring the grin on Nikolai’s face as he also emerged from the closet, or how his messy hair and rumpled shirt very clearly gave away what they had been doing those seven minutes. Instead, she poured herself a shot of tequila and downed it with shaky fingers, trying to wash the taste of Nikolai away from her lips. 

Genya had reached her, eyeing her suspiciously. “What happened?”

Zoya filled another pinch. “Go back to playing. You still need to spend your seven minutes in heaven with David.” 

Genya blushed. “Actually… we already talked, while you were gone. He asked me out next week.”    
Zoya nearly dropped the tequila. “ _ What?”  _

Genya smiled, watching Zoya down another shot. “He was actually really cute. He told me he thought my hair looked nice.”   
His compliments still needed work, but at least he tried. Zoya made a face as the alcohol burned down her throat. At least this evening had brought one good thing upon them. 

“So,” Genya concluded. “I assume you did more than just  _ talk  _ with Nikolai.” She raised a suggestive eyebrow. 

This really was humiliating. Zoya leaned against the table, suddenly in need of the support. “I hate him,” she muttered. 

“Except you don’t,” Genya remarked. 

_ Except she really didn’t.  _ Zoya watched him across the room, chatting with a few other guys. Apparently, they were going to play another round of seven minutes in heaven. Zoya felt a nervous pitch in her stomach at the prospect.  _ How many more girls were going to disappear in the closet with Nikolai tonight?  _ The thought alone made her pour another shot. This time Genya joined in. 

“You should really stop drinking, and start talking to Nikolai,” her friend remarked, lifting the glass to her lips. 

Zoya huffed, already feeling dizzy as she felt the tequila burn in her throat.  _ Good.  _ She was getting drunk at last. She needed it in order to survive this evening. 

It was past 5 am when the party finally ended. Nikolai, walking through the house one last time to look for David, found Zoya instead, sitting — or lying — on one of the sofas, obviously drunk. She looked half asleep already, judging from the fact that she didn’t try to run away when he approached. 

Nikolai sat down next to her, feeling Zoya gaze at him through her long lashes. Even now she managed to look judging. “Where’s Genya?” he asked, looking around himself. He wasn’t planning to leave Zoya in this condition, but he doubted that she would enjoy coming with him. 

“Somewhere. With David,” Zoya muttered, brushing some hair away from her face. 

Now that was just great. Nikolai sighed. “I’ll drive you home. Can you stand?” 

Zoya didn’t react. 

He sighed, this time reaching for her wrist. “You might want to at least try because otherwise, I’ll have to carry you.” 

Zoya snorted but pushed to her feet all the same. She swayed for a moment, disorientated, Nikolai catching her before she could fall. 

“How much did you have to drink, Nazyalensky?” he muttered into her ear, resting one hand around her waist to keep her upright. He couldn’t help but feel like this was his fault. When he had last seen Zoya, she had been sober. Or at least he hoped she had been. 

Zoya gave a dismissive wave of her hand, the movement making her sway again. “Let go of me,” she muttered, glaring at him. But it didn’t have the effect it usually did. 

“Just walk,” Nikolai sighed, half dragging her behind him. Sometimes he wondered whether everything Zoya did was just to drive him crazy. 

He eventually managed to get her seated in his car, although she kept protesting. “I don’t need your help,” Zoya murmured as Nikolai sat down behind the steering wheel, locking the doors just in case she suddenly decided to jump out of the car. She had her head against the window, some hair falling into her face.

Nikolai had a hard time trying not to stare, not to reach out and tuck the strand back behind her ear. But now was hardly the right moment. Instead, he turned away, starting the engine. “I’m just dropping you off at your place to make sure you reach safely.” 

Zoya huffed in response, but her eyes were already closed. She barely looked conscious.

For a second Nikolai was worried she might pass out. Perhaps he should be driving her to a hospital instead. How much exactly did she have to drink? He tried to focus on the traffic. “I heard David ended up asking Genya out,” he remarked, hoping to at least keep Zoya talking. 

She released a weak sigh. “Took him long enough,” she muttered. “He better not mess it up.” 

Nikolai smirked, stopping at a red light. “I’d say your plan to get them together worked out after all, then.” Although the game had ended differently than originally planned. Nikolai preferred not to think too much about what had happened between him and Zoya. He glanced at her subtly, making sure she stayed awake. 

“Maybe the stupid game was worth it then,” Zoya replied dryly, eyes still closed. He couldn’t read her expression. 

Nikolai stopped the car in front of Zoya’s apartment building, turning off the engine. “How are you feeling?” 

Zoya released a long breath. “Like I drank an entire bottle of tequila all by myself.”   
  
_ Saints.  _ “Did you?” 

She huffed. “Maybe.”   
  
Nikolai shook his head, opening his door and making his way over to her side of the car. Zoya fell against him as he carefully tried to get her out of the car, and so he made the sensible choice and decided to pick her up in his arms. The fact that she didn’t even protest told him enough about how she was apparently feeling. 

He quickly locked his car and made his way over to her door. “Is the door locked?”   
  
She muttered something that sounded like a no, her head having fallen against his chest. The scent of her perfume was unusually distracting, and Nikolai tried not to think too much about how close her body was or how her hair was grazing the skin of his neck. 

Instead, he tried to open the door, which, surprisingly, really wasn’t locked, and carried her into the hallway. Zoya lived on the third floor and so he decided to take the lift.

“Why aren’t we taking the stairs?” Zoya muttered against his chest.

Nikolai rolled his eyes. “I don’t think you should be complaining right now, Nazyalensky.” 

“I don’t like lifts,” was all she said.

Nikolai sighed, gazing down at her. “You’ll be fine, I promise.” The doors opened and Nikolai stepped out into the hallway which led to her apartment. “Do you have a key?” 

“How else do you think I planned to get home?” Zoya replied, a hint of her usual sharpness in her tone. 

Nikolai chuckled. “Fair enough.” He carefully set her down on the ground, leaning her back against the doorframe. “Can you stand?”   
  
Her lashes fluttered, but she nodded. 

Nikolai reached for the key in her bag and unlocked the door. He had planned to make sure she was home and then take his leave, but considering how Zoya was barely conscious he was beginning to reconsider leaving her alone. Or perhaps he was looking for a reason not to go. 

He picked Zoya up again, not trusting her to walk on her own, kicked the door shut behind them. He  _ had  _ been to her place before — mostly to discuss university-related things —but he’d never been alone with her. 

Zoya stirred when he set her down on her bed, gazing up at him. “Are you ever going to let me forget about this?” 

He wanted to know why she insisted on the fact that he would need some sort of retribution for any of this. “I won’t mention it,” he said instead. “At some point, you might realize that I’m not actually  _ that  _ bad of a guy, Nazyalensky.” 

Zoya snorted, shaking her head. “Exactly how many girls did you lure into that closet?”    
Nikolai frowned, reaching for the water bottle on her bedside table.  _ Where was this coming from?  _ “None, actually.” He settled on the bed, handing her the open bottle. “Now drink.” 

Zoya shot him a deadly look, but struggled to sit up all the same. “I’m never drinking again,” she announced, taking a sip of water. “And what do you mean  _ none? _ ” 

Nikolai could’ve sworn the question was laced with jealousy. “What do you think I mean, Zoya dear?” he returned the question. 

Zoya’s beautiful blue eyes narrowed. She struggled to keep upright, and Nikolai automatically placed a hand on her back. “Don’t tell me you stopped playing that stupid game after one round.” She set her empty bottle down on her bedside table with shaky hands. 

Nikolai sighed. “Lie down.” To his surprise, she actually listened. “I was happy with what I got from the first round,” he added with a smirk. 

Zoya slapped his shoulder, but not with her usual spirit. She had sunk back into the pillows, eyes closed again. 

Nikolai didn’t fail to notice how unwell she looked. “You should try to get some sleep,” he suggested. 

Zoya huffed but didn’t open her eyes. “The world is spinning, I doubt I can fall asleep.” 

“Why did you think to empty that bottle was a good idea?” He had some idea, but he wanted to hear it from her. 

A few seconds passed in silence. Nikolai wondered if she had fallen asleep after all. But then Zoya opened her eyes. “I didn’t like being one of your conquests.” 

He wasn’t sure whether those words had meant to hurt, but they did all the same. “If you didn’t want to play the game with me, you could have just said so,” he said. 

Zoya snorted, shaking her head. “That’s the worst thing about it,” she muttered, words barely audible. “I  _ did  _ want to.” 

Nikolai felt his heart skip a beat at the words. He meant to reply, say anything at all, but he wasn’t sure how to. A girl managing to leave him speechless didn’t happen often. 

Zoya gave him a look as if to say she knew exactly what he was thinking, then closed her eyes again. “You can stay if you want,” she muttered. “On the couch or in this bed. I don’t care.” 

_ In this bed.  _ Nikolai had to remind himself that she was drunk out of her mind and that this was hardly a real invitation. He got to his feet, hesitating for a moment. He looked back to Zoya, but she appeared to be asleep at last. Nikolai caught himself lingering, watching her face for a moment too long, realizing just how beautiful she was. Then he quickly turned away. 

It was almost 6 am by now, and tiredness was beginning to catch up with him. Perhaps he  _ should  _ stay on Zoya’s couch. At least then he could make sure she was fine tomorrow morning. 

Or, that was what he told himself as he sank down on the couch in her living room. 

Nikolai awoke from a sound from the other room, for a moment confused about where he was again. But then he recognized Zoya’s living room and quickly sat up. 

Zoya was suddenly standing in the doorframe, still wearing her dress from the night before, her hair messy and falling into her face. Somehow she still managed to look absolutely stunning. 

He gave her a cheerful wave. 

She blinked in confusion as she noticed Nikolai. “What are you doing here?”

“You asked me to stay.” Not even a lie. 

Zoya looked like she greatly regretted that. “I must have been  _ very  _ drunk then,” she replied dryly, blowing a strand of hair away from her face. “I need a shower, and an aspirin.”   
  
Nikolai could only imagine. “Drink some water,” he offered. “And I’ll make breakfast.” He was starving. 

Zoya raised a brow at him, opening the door to her bathroom. “Don’t tell me you can actually cook.” 

“The list of my talents is never-ending.”

Her annoyed expression was enough to make Nikolai grin as he got to his feet. Zoya slammed the bathroom door shut without another word. 

She emerged 30 minutes later, wrapped up—to Nikolai’s surprise— in a small towel. It covered so little of her body that he dropped the plate he was holding. Zoya gave him a honey-sweet smile as she passed him, fluffing her still damp hair back over her shoulders and walking straight into the kitchen. “Is there a problem?” 

She must  _ really  _ hate him. Nikolai forced himself to look anywhere but her. Zoya’s fridge had been nearly empty and so he had ended up making pancakes. He set a plate in front of her, then sat down across the table. The towel was massively distracting. 

Zoya leaned back in her chair, looking down at the food. “I don’t think I can eat anything,” she muttered, running a hand through her hair. “How exactly did I get home?” 

Nikolai huffed a laugh. “You don’t remember?” 

She glared at him. “No.” 

That wasn’t surprising. “When I found you nearly passed out at the party I figured I’d get you home safely.” 

Zoya cut off a piece of her pancake, playing with the fork in her hands. Her brain seemed to be working to piece the night back together. “Please tell me that the part where you carried me upstairs was an alcohol-induced hallucination.”

Nikolai was having a hard time trying not to laugh. “I asked you to walk, but you didn’t listen.” 

“You should have just left me at the doorstep,” Zoya muttered, brushing some hair behind her ear. 

He tried not to stare at her exposed collarbones, or her shoulders, or any part of exposed skin really. Did she even realize that she was driving him crazy? “We could have avoided it if you hadn’t decided to empty an entire bottle of tequila,” he remarked, trying to distract himself by eating. It didn’t work. 

“I needed it,” Zoya replied dryly, having finished at least one of her pancakes. Whatever that was supposed to mean. 

“Come on Nazyalensky,” Nikolai commented. “I’m not that bad of a kisser.”   
  
Zoya’s blue eyes flashed in annoyance, but she didn’t look half as angry as he had expected. “Your arrogance knows no bounds, does it?”   
  
He grinned, finishing his pancake. “Isn’t that what you like most about me?”   


Zoya pursed her lips, pushing her chair back. “I can’t remember liking anything about you,” she replied, getting to her feet. “I need coffee,” she declared, already making her way to her small kitchen. 

Nikolai had difficulty keeping his gaze on the table, and  _ not  _ on Zoya Nazyalensky in nothing but a towel. He got the sense that she was trying to avoid him. Perhaps he shouldn’t have mentioned the kissing part. “Did Genya get home safely last night?” he asked instead. “I assume David was not inclined to spend the night.”   
  
Zoya huffed. “I have too much of a headache to look at a screen right now.” She gestured towards the table. “Check if she texted me.” 

Nikolai picked up Zoya’s phone. There was indeed a message from Genya on the screen, but that wasn’t the one Nikolai noticed. His eyes drifted to the  _ several  _ messages from someone called  _ Kirigin _ . 

Zoya came back to the table, setting two cups of coffee down. She was already sipping hers. “So?” 

“David didn’t stay,” Nikolai replied, still staring at the other text. He couldn’t quite tear his eyes away and, naturally, Zoya noticed. 

“Is that why you look like you’ve seen a ghost?” 

Nikolai snickered, putting the phone down at last. “I was just wondering why you had 20 messages from someone named Kirigin.” He leaned back in his chair. “Who’s the guy?” Not that he cared. Or  _ should  _ care. 

Zoya took a large sip of coffee. “A friend,” was all she said. 

Somehow he didn’t believe her. “Why don’t I know him?” 

Her gaze turned annoyed. “Because it’s none of your business. I’m not replying to him, anyway.” 

Nikolai raised a brow. “Poor guy.” He hardly meant it. 

Zoya snorted. “He’s very persistent.” 

“Does he have any reason to be?” Now was the time to stop prying, but he couldn’t hold back. 

Zoya held his stare for a moment, something flashing through her blue eyes. “No,” she said eventually. “It was a one-time thing, and apparently he got attached.”  _ So not a friend after all.  _ Her gaze swept through the room. “I should get dressed. And clean up here.” 

And  _ he  _ should get going. Nikolai had lingered for far too long. And yet he couldn’t find the will to leave Zoya’s place just yet. He got up all the same, gathering the empty plates and carrying them into the kitchen. 

Zoya had at last picked up her phone. “Genya got a goodnight kiss from David apparently,” she noted, leaning against the kitchen counter. “But only on the cheek.” 

Nikolai sighed. “That’s more than before.” 

Zoya made a face. “Hardly.” She eyed Nikolai, expression suddenly thoughtful. 

He was all too aware of how close they were standing in the small kitchen. And of how scantily dressed Zoya was.  _ Damn this woman.  _ “I should get going,” he said hoarsely, having way too much trouble getting the words out. 

Zoya nodded, but didn’t say a word. Her eyes were still trained on Nikolai, unmoving. Steady. Waiting for him to act. 

He stepped forward, slowly. Waiting to see whether she would back off. Zoya didn’t even appear to breathe. He reached out for her, running a hand along her neck. Her hair was still slightly damp. Nikolai felt his self-control wavering, just as it had last night. 

And then her lashes fluttered, as her gaze traveled down to his lips, and then back up. He had never noticed just how blue her eyes were. 

Nikolai bridged the gap between them and then he was kissing her, pressing her back against the counter. Zoya wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers running through his hair as she leaned into the touch. This time, there was no hesitation. And this time, it wasn’t a game. 

Nikolai picked Zoya up around the waist, sitting her down on the counter only to pull her even closer. He was all too well aware of the towel clinging to her skin, of the way her exposed legs wrapped around his torso. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t have stopped. If anything Zoya would have needed to be the one to make the choice. 

But she didn’t. Instead, her fingers moved down his stomach, and then she was pulling the shirt over his head. 

Nikolai kissed the hollow of her throat, nipping at the skin as Zoya arched her back, tipping her head back. She was breathing unevenly, her long lashes grazing her cheekbones as he watched her eyes flutter shut. 

But they wouldn’t be doing this in the kitchen. Nikolai gripped her thighs, lifting her from the counter in one swift motion. Now would be her time to object. To stop this from going any further. He half expected her to do so, but Zoya only clung to him tighter, letting herself be carried to the bedroom. 

Nikolai pushed her onto the mattress, pinning her body down with his own. His lips found hers again and then he was losing touch with everything, everything that wasn’t Zoya Nazyalensky. 

Her fingers were already at his belt when he finally brushed the towel aside. He kissed along her shoulders, then lower, hearing Zoya’s breathing hitch at the sudden touch. Her nails scraped across his back as she ran her fingers over the skin, tracing the lines of his muscles. 

If there ever had been a moment to still turn back and reconsider, it was definitely over now. 

Zoya stared up at the ceiling, trying to keep her breathing even. Trying to keep the rising panic from overcoming her.  _ What had she done?  _ As if making out with Nikolai Lantsov in her kitchen wasn’t bad enough - she had actually hooked up with him now. 

She closed her eyes for a moment. She was so stupid. Stupid for thinking that he cared, that he  _ could  _ ever care. 

Nikolai was moving next to her, sitting up. His hair was messy and some strands had fallen into his face, and Zoya had to clench her hands to avoid reaching out and touching him.  _ Stupid.  _ She released a long breath. 

His eyes were following her. “Do you...do you regret it?” 

Zoya tensed, clutching the blanket closer to her body. “That would imply that it meant anything,” she remarked, keeping her voice sharp.  _ Ruthlessness,  _ Nikolai had called it.  _ Fear,  _ Genya had said.  _ You’re just scared of getting hurt.  _ Perhaps she was. Perhaps Nikolai was just not the right guy to test her relationship compatibility with. 

She saw a shadow passing over his face at the words. Was it hurt? 

“Didn’t it?” he asked eventually. 

Did something in Zoya savor those words? She quickly looked away. She dimly remembered the night before, remembered a ride in Nikolai’s car. And him picking her up in his arms and carrying her upstairs.   
  
Afterwards everything was blurry. She exhaled. “Why are you still here?” She lifted her head. “Didn’t you get what you wanted?” 

Now Nikolai just looked confused. “What?” 

“Wasn’t  _ this  _ why you brought me home last night?” She hated herself a little for voicing those thoughts. 

Nikolai stared at her for a moment, then released a startled laugh. “You really believe that?” 

_ No.  _ “Give me a better reason.” 

He smiled, but it had none of his usual cheerfulness. “I care about you. I wanted to make sure you were okay. And I wanted—” He paused, ran a hand through his hair. Took a long breath. “I wanted you to see that maybe I’m not that bad of a guy.” 

Zoya froze. “ _ What?”  _

Nikolai sighed. “Are you really  _ that  _ blind, Nazyalensky? Or is this your way of turning me down?” 

Zoya didn’t quite process the words. She just kept staring at him in confusion. 

He seemed to have read the questions from her face. “I know you think that I’m just trying to get into your bed, but that’s not how it is.” Nikolai’s expression was almost upset. “You just make it really hard for me, Zo.” 

Her head was spinning. She suddenly remembered the night before, Nikolai sitting on the edge of her bed. Remembered asking him how many girls he had hooked up with at the party.  _ None.  _ The word echoed through her mind. “What are you trying to say?” 

Nikolai hesitated. “I’m trying to say that I want more than just a meaningless hook up with you. That I want—” He didn’t finish the sentence, just looked at her helplessly. 

Zoya felt her heart skip a beat. She wasn’t sure whether she was hallucinating. Perhaps the alcohol had left its traces. But Nikolai’s expression was completely serious, his gaze resting on her. Waiting for a reply.   
  
She felt the sudden urge to run, clutching her blanket slightly closer. She took a deep breath. “Seven minutes in heaven was an awful way to lure me into bed.” 

Nikolai huffed a laugh, pushing through the tension between them. He ran a hand through his hair again. “I admit, I  _ could’ve  _ done better.” 

Zoya felt her lips curl up in a smile. “Are you going to ask me out on a real date then?” She tossed some hair back over her shoulders. She didn’t miss the way Nikolai looked at her newly exposed skin. “Or are you already giving up?” 

His response was a cocky grin. “In your dreams, Nazyalensky. I’m only just getting started.” 

Zoya found she couldn’t wait until he made good on that promise. 


End file.
